If I looked like her
would you pay more attention to me?
If I drove a Porsche, a BMW,  or a Ferrari?
Would we sit across from one another?
Getting to know each other?

Would you ask me about my dreams?
Or what we could do together? 
Would you hold my hand?
Would we drive upstate in nice weather?
Would we sing together? Laugh forever?
Take selfies and video call one another?

You’d try harder.
Even though you know I could “do better.”
But you’d still try.
Because you’re empty inside.
You’d need my attention.
To feel validated and accepted. 
Even though I’d give you inconsistent affection.

You wouldn’t care even if you were eventually rejected.
Even if my wandering eyes and smiles made your heart feel
unprotected.
But that’s what you like.

The feeling of insecurity.
Uncertainty.

The chase.

The neglect.

Wanting what everyone wants.
You’d do anything
for
a girl like me
all whilst knowing
at night
I keep your soul lingering.

That’s the girl you want around.
Someone who you think would make you feel proud.

That girl unfortunately, or fortunately,
isn’t me.

And that’s why I sit here
writing about you.

We’ll meet again.
Of that I’m certain.
On some haphazard occasion.

I, just a pit stop.

An after thought.